


I Will Not Speak Of Your Sins (there was a way out from him)

by BlankIfYouBlink



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Flashbacks, Hydra (Marvel), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I gave up on this, broken crown, department x tony, inspired by a song, kinda survivors guilt but not really??, not really cannon complaint, post hydra tony, title from a song, try and enjoy, winter soldier tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlankIfYouBlink/pseuds/BlankIfYouBlink
Summary: Coughing and spluttering, dragging in gasps of smoke and choking on gravel, Tony lifts his head to see a mountain of a man smash his father’s head against the burning husk of their car. If he wasn’t so scared for his own life, Tony would have stopped to admire the marvel of engineering that the man’s arm was. He watched, unable to do more than cough and choke as the man dropped Howard’s head from a hand made of metal and advanced on Tony.He glared through watery eyes at the man, trying to face him with courage. But the man stopped in front of Tony and held out his flesh arm.“He hit you”
Kudos: 5





	I Will Not Speak Of Your Sins (there was a way out from him)

**Author's Note:**

> Usual disclaimer: I'm a broke ass woman dont think i own anything.   
> Title from Broken Crown by Mumford and Sons. Its a fitting song.

The Winter Soldier. 

Tony hadn’t seen the Winter Soldier-

He hadn’t seen him since he was a child. 

Nausea overtakes him and he lurches out of his chair, tripping across the workshop floor in his haste to get to the bathroom. He makes it just to the toilet before his breakfast - his coffee - makes a second appearance. Tony empties his stomach, and is immediately aware of the dull pang of hunger that echoes throughout his belly. 

_ When was the last time he ate an honest to god meal? _

  
Tony doesn’t know, couldn’t even tell what time of day it was. He stumbles back to his workbench, falling into the chair and accepting a drink of questionable content that Dum-E pushed into his hands. 

Nursing the cup, which was slightly warm, and pretending to drink what he was  _ sure _ was some combination of peach smoothie and motor oil, Tony found himself once again staring at the screen. 

He’d been almost idly looking over some new product that Pepper was hounding him for, when Jarvis had brought up a new window. 

“Sir, Project X has had a hit” 

The footage that was brought up was grainy and almost unrecognisable. But  _ Tony knew that face. _ He could never forget- 

More nausea attacks, but there is nothing left to heave up and he is left hacking at air, and gasping for breath at the same time. 

Project X had been initiated when Tony first heard rumours of the Winter Soldier circling his more  _ shady _ contacts. There’d barely been rumours, as he knew more than most that the Winter Soldier was a ghost. It took a considerable amount of hacking and dare-he-say-it  _ spying _ that he had to do to get even this little tidbit of information. 

That face-

_ “Tomorrow your going to close your goddamn mouth and show these people respect. If you don’t, if you act out there’ll be no dinner okay?” _

_ Tony looked out the window at the trees speeding by, the people they were going to visit were idiots and Howard Stark knew it. Even though Tony was still required to go and play the little genius kid even though he was almost old enough to move out? It was an insult to his intelligence that his father continued to show him off like this, if he wasn’t so- _

_ Howard reaches a hand back behind the front seats and slaps Tony across the face. “Do you understand?”  _

_ Tony never got to answer.  _

_ Coughing and spluttering, dragging in gasps of smoke and choking on gravel, Tony lifts his head to see a mountain of a man smash his father’s head against the burning husk of their car. If he wasn’t so scared for his own life, Tony would have stopped to admire the marvel of engineering that the man’s arm was. He watched, unable to do more than cough and choke as the man dropped Howard’s head from a hand made of metal and advanced on Tony.  _

_ He glared through watery eyes at the man, trying to face him with courage. But the man stopped in front of Tony and held out his flesh arm.  _

_ “He hit you”  _

_ Tony cowered from the offered arm, sure that this was a trick, his mind working overtime to find a way out of the situation he’d found himself stuck in-  _

_ “He hit you, and she watched” _

_ - _

_ Tony didn’t see the Soldier for another year.  _

_ He’d been taken back to where the Soldier had been based, but then shipped out immediately to another county again.  _

_ Department X had become his new home. Tony never called it home. (Had he ever called  _ anything  _ home?) _

_ It was in the depths of the Red Room that Tony learned how to survive.  _

_ He and fourteen other young boys were forced to live and train with each other, and then forced to kill. One by one they were picked off, either by each other, or the seemingly endless tasks they were subjected to.  _

_ (Tony remembered the one time that the best four of them were taken to the other part of the Red Room. There they fought others who had been trained, albeit differently than they had been. Tony was the only one of four who wasn’t killed by the opposing girls. He remembered one - Natalia - who he was glad he was never made to fight.  _

_ - _

_ With the completion of the Black Widow Ops and the failure of the Wolf Spider Ops programs, Tony - or Anton as he’d been going as - had been reassigned. He’d been sent to Hydra, to fix the Soldier’s metal arm.  _

_ And if he wasn’t going to work in some upgrades for the ancient piece of - could you really call this technology? - then would he really be able to call himself an engineer, would he? _

_ - _

Tony is on the floor, Jarvis talking a steady stream of nothing, and he can  _ breathe- _

There had been a way out for the two of them. If only he'd thought, if only he'd calculated the odds - if he got them  _ right  _ they would have both made it out. There  _ must have been. _

_ They could have both made it out. _


End file.
